Kathleen, I am an old man and many women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger men. Local single women closest to Canterbury, Victoria. But of course they're. It is just that all the younger guys approaching senior women are mostly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest way to get easy sex. They just show interest in guys their particular age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the guys begin to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that's why I am not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people attempted to assure me that I was a grab. And I still matter I should be - am tall, clean-cut, seem young for 48, run my own successful company, understand the way to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic location (Alaska). As a result I'm very active so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the amount of women who have written back and no genuine dates. I decided women in my local date range and attractiveness range. Just to check I wrote to fairly mature women and not as attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped almost every woman. Attempted all kinds of graphics. Nothing. When I talk to my female friends they say they're inundated. The only dates I've had, 2, were from old buddies who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and rarely return my calls. At Meetups women look interested but they don't respond. Simply don't comprehend this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I am unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring permanently alienated good pals. Really out to sea on all of this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
I feel like I 'm aging out" of online dating. I've noticed after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the response I get on has dropped to virtually nothing. It's as though moving from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some form of death-knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with men in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches that the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those guys want, (usually 35-50) I frequently move past them, understanding I can not compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years old than me! In other words, intentionally sends me matches that are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I've emailed a number of those men, I don't hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and probably read no further. Even if I am within their desirable range, I still do not get much of a response. I suppose the reason for this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year-old model of me? If their first wife was their age, like a college honey or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer version, so to speak. Our culture supports this. Local single women nearby Canterbury, VIC. It is frustrating, as well as depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the built in folly of on-line sites: you're simply defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all of my middle aged online dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Local Single Women nearby Canterbury. Please, let us rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sensuous, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I hate talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my pals/mom/ex-husband/kids tell me that..I'm a glass-half-complete optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just perhaps, we can locate some common ground and get back to the work of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
Quit Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several guys noted how many women's online dating profiles are comprised mostly of grievances about guys - either their profiles, or their conduct in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There isn't any point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes make use of a blog for that). So while I am sure there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own choices. We can keep our positive expectations while at exactly the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite correct. Much too frequently some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking as well as a desire to be fine and not seem ill-mannered, so we ignore the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great dismay that she just couldn't trust the guys she met online. She then continued to tell me a story about any of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless wealth and his links to powerful people all around the globe. She slept with him on the second date (after he assured to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. Local Single Women closest to Victoria, Australia. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Local Single Women near Canterbury, Victoria. Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could simply no longer trust men she met online was a bit like whining about how she could only no longer trust Nigerian princes.
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you want a quality guy who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship with you, and then you post pictures of yourself next to your bed (or on your own bed, or in your bed, or in another person 's bed). And if you're not posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photos with way too much cleavage. Now, that's certainly fine - I don't have any difficulty at all with this, and I am sure many guys don't have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women place said super-hot glamor shots and then whine to their buddies, or make statements on their profiles about how all men are dogs and just need them for sex. And while we are on the subject of complaint-filled profiles...
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you almost certainly love them), but I do believe it's significant that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is the fact that way too many women out there in the online dating world are using the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to guys also, of course). Local single women near me Canterbury, VIC. The thing is, there actually isn't anything wrong with having an about typical (or curvy) body so let's take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and comprehend once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (right, good guys?).
No. More. Instagram. Photos. I really like Instagram photographs because many of the filters make my eyes seem strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these photographs on my internet dating profile? No I don't. Why? Because my eyes aren't really that blue (or green or lavender), and I am about 10 years older than my Instagram photographs would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) pictures. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in advertising.
Manner too Many Pet Photos. Local Single Women Near Me Brunswick Victoria. This was a huge complaint among the men I interviewed. They are looking at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet pictures, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the topic of pet pictures, I 've a personal request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all pictures of your cats. This is really significant. I can not emphasize it enough. Single, middle aged women already must cope with much too many negative stereotypes, along with the cat photos (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats in your bed) just function to strengthen them. I once composed a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America informing me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so really, please delete them.
Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I'd concentrate on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am much more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this specific post. This list is my best effort at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with some of my own observations based on a bit of research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you're a girl between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland region, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
I can't say it any clearer than this: Do not post any selfies of yourself looking into your own bathroom mirror, period. Seeing a guy standing next to an open toilet, or maybe a toilet paper dispenser, is an immediate turn off. Take a selfie the means everyone else in the world does, by using a selfie stick and pretending as though you're doing something enjoyable (like fishing or watching football). Or, should you not have a selfie stick, shoot your profile photograph the old fashioned way by tapping the reverse camera view on your smart phone and then snapping a selfie in your car. Worst comes to worst, have a friend take an action shot of you standing alone with a glass of wine pretending to laugh at someone just out of view. In case you don't have a single friend who can shoot your photograph, or you don't own a smartphone, then you probably should not be dating in the first place.
I'm not the only one detecting these tendencies. Often, when I get together with my single girlfriends the subject of some men's online dating profiles is raised with a collective "what in the world were they thinking??" From time to time I Have looked past these profile peculiarities and gone out with some of these men since I felt they were really nice guys. And let's simply say that I wasn't surprised when they discussed their frustrations with online dating - of seldom receiving e-mails from women, of their emails frequently going unanswered. Local Single Women Near Me North Melbourne Victoria. I needed to catch these men by their shoulders, and give them a powerful (albeit friendly) shake, while sharing my suspicions about their errant advertising techniques. But I've consistently resisted the temptation to do so from a fear of seeming rude and ill-mannered.
A few of these profiles represent random oddities, the one-in-a hundred profile with an eyebrow-raising narrative or a couple gasp-worthy photographs. These profiles can in fact be a great source of amusement, particularly if wine is involved. However, what I find somewhat distressing are some rather distressing tendencies I Have noted in many men's profiles who seem to be fairly normal otherwise. Canterbury local single women. I do empathize, really. Many of us are dating novices, jumping back in the dating pool after years (sometimes decades) of marriage and child-rearing. We are all winging it to a certain degree, unsure of what the other sex is looking for, or the best way to get their focus. However, these gaffes are really so apparent that I think it is time someone starts a dialogue and asks the important question: Why? No really, why?
I've been a member of a popular online dating service for a little over a year now, and I must say that, overall, I am pleasantly surprised by the characteristic of men I Have met online. While I haven't yet met "the one," I remain hopeful that eventually, I will. Yet despite my generally positive experiences, I have encounter a few (hundred) profiles that totally baffle me in a these-guys-clearly-were-not-raised-with-sisters-and-can't-possibly-have-any-female-friends sort of way. Like the man who thought that picking the username "Undertaker" was a good idea, or the guy who shot his photographs in a room that definitely yelled "locked residential facility." Or, the childless man who expressed his deep desire to meet a girl with young children (rather lads). Local single women near Canterbury. One of my all time favorites however was the man who spent half his profile story writing about how he was still deeply in love with his ex-wife, but since she wouldn't take him back, he was driven to find love online (yay us!).