Kathleen, I am an older man and many women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger men. Local Cougars nearby Pyrmont New South Wales. But of course they are. It is merely that all the younger men approaching elderly women are mainly, looking for what they consider to be the fastest method to get easy sex. They simply reveal interest in men their particular age when the supply of younger men dries up, or the guys start to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that is why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to reassure me that I was a catch. And I still thing I should be - am tall, trim, seem young for 48, run my own successful company, understand the way to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic area (Alaska). As a result I'm really active so online dating looked like the solution. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the amount of women who have written back and no actual dates. I picked women in my local date range and attractiveness range. Just to check I wrote to rather older women and less appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped virtually every girl. Tried all sorts of pictures. Nothing. while I speak to my female friends they say they're inundated. The sole dates I have had, 2, were from old buddies who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and infrequently return my calls. At Meetups women look interested however they do not answer. Just do not comprehend this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I am unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring forever alienated good pals. Really out to sea on all of this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
I feel like I am aging out" of internet dating. I've discovered after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the answer I get on has dropped to virtually nothing. It's as though moving from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some sort of death knell for a dating life. I begin contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches that the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those guys want, (typically 35-50) I frequently move past them, understanding I can't compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years old than me! In other words, knowingly sends me matches which are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I have emailed a number of those men, I don't hear back. I'm guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and probably read no further. Even if I'm within their desired range, I still don't get much of a response. I presume the reason for this is they can get younger women to react to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year-old version of me? If their first wife was their age, such as, for instance, a school love or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. Local Cougars nearest Pyrmont NSW. It is frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the built in folly of online sites: you are simply defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all my middleaged internet dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Local Cougars closest to Pyrmont. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sensual, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let's omit these too: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my buddies/mom/ex/kids tell me that..I am a glass-half-total optimist, who's easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just maybe, we can locate some common ground and get back to the work of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
Discontinue Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several men noted how many women's online dating profiles are comprised mostly of grievances about guys - either their profiles, or their behaviour in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There isn't any point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes make use of a website for that). So while I'm sure there are guys (and women) out there who are logged on and behaving badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own selections. We can maintain our positive expectations while at the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something is not quite appropriate. Far too frequently some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and also a want to be pleasant and not appear rude, so we discount the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great dismay that she just could not trust the guys she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about any of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless wealth and his connections to powerful individuals all over the world. She slept with him on the 2nd date (after he promised to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. Local Cougars in New South Wales Australia. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Local Cougars nearby Pyrmont, New South Wales. Her identity was stolen. Complaining about how she could only no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could only no longer trust Nigerian princes.
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you desire an excellent guy who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship with you, then you post photos of yourself next to your bed (or in your bed, or in your bed, or in someone else's bed). And if you aren't posting photographs of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photos with way too much cleavage. Now, that's completely excellent - I have no problem at all with this, and I am certain many guys don't have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women place said super-hot glamor pictures and then whine to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and only want them for sex. And while we are on the topic of complaint-filled profiles...
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you almost certainly love them), but I do believe it is significant that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is that far too many women out there in the internet dating world are using the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to guys as well, of course). Local Cougars closest to Pyrmont, NSW. The thing is, there really isn't anything wrong with having an around average (or curvy) body so let's take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and understand once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
No. More. Instagram. Pictures. I love Instagram pictures because lots of the filters make my eyes seem strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these photos on my internet dating profile? No I don't. Why? Because my eyes aren't actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photos would have you believe. This was the number one complaint among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., deceptive) photographs. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in advertising.
Waaaay too Many Pet Pictures. Local Cougars Near Me Abbotsford New South Wales. This was a tremendous criticism among the men I interviewed. They're taking a look at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet pictures, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the topic of pet photos, I got a private request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photographs of your cats. This really is really significant. I can not stress it enough. Single, middle-aged women already have to manage much too many negative stereotypes, and the cat pictures (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your own bed) merely serve to bolster them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel unwanted , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America informing me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I assured everyone that this week I'd focus on middle-aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am much more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this particular post. This list is my best attempt at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with a few of my own observations based on a bit of research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you're a girl between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
I can not say it any clearer than this: Do not post any selfies of yourself looking into your own bathroom mirror, interval. Seeing a man standing next to an open toilet, or even a toilet paper dispenser, is an immediate turn off. Take a selfie the way everyone else in the world does, by using a selfie stick and pretending as though you're doing something interesting (like fishing or watching football). Or, in case you don't have a selfie stick, take your profile picture the old fashioned way by tapping the reverse camera view on your smart phone and then snapping a selfie in your automobile. Worst comes to worst, have a friend take an action shot of you standing alone with a glass of wine pretending to laugh at someone just out of view. If you don't have a single friend who can take your photograph, or you don't possess a smartphone, then you likely shouldn't be dating in the first place.
I am not the single one seeing these tendencies. Often, when I get together with my single girlfriends the issue of some men's online dating profiles is raised with a collective "what in the world were they thinking??" From time to time I've looked past these profile peculiarities and gone out with some of these men since I sensed they were really nice guys. And let us simply say that I wasn't surprised when they shared their frustrations with online dating - of rarely receiving emails from women, of their emails regularly going unanswered. Local Cougars Near Me Northmead New South Wales. I liked to catch these guys by their shoulders, and provide them a robust (albeit friendly) handshake, while sharing my feelings about their errant marketing techniques. But I've consistently resisted the temptation to do so from a anxiety about seeming rude and ill-mannered.
A few of these profiles represent random oddities, the one-in-a hundred profile with an eyebrow-raising narrative or a couple gasp-worthy photos. These profiles can in fact be an excellent source of entertainment, particularly if wine is included. However, what I find somewhat troubling are some rather disturbing trends I Have noticed in many men's profiles who appear to be fairly regular otherwise. Pyrmont Local Cougars. I do empathize, really. A lot of us are dating rookies, jumping back in the dating pool after years (sometimes decades) of marriage and child-rearing. We're all winging it to a certain degree, unsure of what the other sex is looking for, or the best way to get their focus. But these gaffes are really so apparent that I think it is time someone opens a dialogue and asks the important question: Why? No really, why?
I have been a member of a well-known online dating service for a little over a year now, and I have to say that, overall, I am happily surprised by the characteristic of guys I've met online. While I haven't yet met "the one," I remain optimistic that eventually, I will. Yet despite my generally positive encounters, I've come across a few (hundred) profiles that totally baffle me in a these-guys-clearly-were-not-raised-with-sisters-and-can't-possibly-have-any-female-friends sort of way. Like the man who thought that picking the username "Undertaker" was wise, or the guy who shot his photographs in a room that certainly shouted "locked residential facility." Or, the childless man who expressed his deep desire to meet a woman with young children (preferably boys). Local cougars near Pyrmont. One of my all-time favorites however was the man who spent half his profile story writing about how he was still deeply in love with his ex-wife, but since she wouldn't take him back, he was driven to find love on-line (yay us!).